For when you don't think you live up to the Mother's Day card....

"She wants something from me that I don't have."  


I spoke the words to my husband as I melted into tears. They dripped onto the pink blanket holding my first born, only days old. I wiped my tears away and held her closer, but it didn't change my certainty that I couldn't do this mom thing. 
 Those words summed up everything I felt about being a mom: Inadequate, unable, weak. In that moment I was an inconsolable, emotional mess as postpartum hormones and lack of sleep reduced me to a puddle. The only thing I could see in my reflection was my incredible lack, my absolute inability. 


But I was wrong. 


 My husband, who always seems to know just the right thing to say (though he'll totally deny it), said ever so wisely, "She just wants you."

That thought scared me even more. Me? No, not with my imperfections and failings. Then I was certain I would fail....  


Yet it was true. 


Even now she just wants me, my love, my attention. I can tell by the "Mom, watch this!" Or the "Can I tell you about my day?" as she recounts each moment for a second time through. In this world of perfectly portrayed Pinterest moms, it's easy to hear my inadequacy whispered to me again.  Yet I have seen the simple gift of watching, listening, loving and being with her is enough. 
Dear sweet mom, your child just wants you. 
I wish I could say I have always given myself unselfishly. At times I have given what little I do have begrudgingly and fearfully. Begrudging my lack of sleep, time, or energy, I hold back. Or, with paralyzing fear, I withhold my heart knowing one day she will realize I am not the best mom in the world. In those moments, I have to remember that there is no greater love than when one lays down his life and that his grace is made perfect in weakness. He gives me all that I need for life and godliness and reminds me of his own love for me that is utterly sacrificial and freely given without condition. What little I do have is meant to be given and poured out in love and service to those the Lord has placed in my life even if there is no return or reward. 


In my selfish moments, she has joyfully accepted and forgiven my selfishness without a second thought. I have learned so much watching her love me. (She totally gets it from her daddy.) 


But I was also right. She does want something I don't have, that I can't give her.



One day in the not too distant future she will wake up to the fact that I am not the greatest mom ever. That I am finite and full of imperfections. That I can't give her or be everything that she needs.... because she was made for something more.



She was made for God. She needs so much more than I can give her. Instead of being weighed down by fear of that moment, I hope when it comes to gloriously point her to the One this life is all about. 




I can't fill her up but I know who can. 




I know the fountain of living water that never runs dry. I know where to lead her because I have been before and I know the way, as I go daily, hourly, moment by moment... to the Lord.

To our Creator. To our Savior. 


Because I can't give her all that she needs, but that's ok because HE can.



Perhaps this Mother's Day you are quite certain your children want something from you that you don't have. So I'll say this.

You are totally wrong. And you are totally right. 


As you go through this day, I pray you find yourself giving all that you have to your sweet babies without selfishness or fear. And, when you find yourself to not be enough, that you will point them to HIM who hung the stars and formed the oceans because He is enough and that is really all that matters.